My blog is NOT very pretty and how yoga saved my life this semester.

Did that title feel dramatic to you? L-O-L, it felt a little dramatic to me too. Whatever. It's true! I promise.

OK - to my friends who have been involved in yoga for a while now, I UNDERSTAND NOW. I thought running was going to be the thing that really helped me feel generally better ever since I got home from my mission. NO. My knee still hurts when I run sometimes and I find it difficult to find motivation to go run for really long distances. So sometimes I go run a mile, maybe two. But, let me tell YOU. YOGA. It's rockin'. It all started when I got home from Christmas break this semester. I came back a week early to start my new job. That whole week The Yoga Underground (a local yoga studio) was offering free classes everyday. Naturally, as someone who has never done yoga, I decided to try it out with my buds. And thus the addiction began! (Not a bad addiction, I think!) Anyway, it wasn't long until I realized how GREAT it made me feel. I was also surprised. I'm going to be honest with you - I did not think yoga would give me such a great workout. It was really, truly embarrassing how much I was sweating the first time I went. Seriously, it was gross. Since I cut my hair short, the sweating hasn't been quite as bad! I digress.
You may be wondering why on earth I'm talking about yoga so much right now. I already said it saved my life. I've been open with a lot of people previously about my struggle with depression and anxiety. It's been a journey learning to treat it since I've been home from my mission. I was so disappointed when I came home and realized all my mental health struggles were not just going to go away. What the heck? Wasn't that just going to be a trial on my mission? Well, no, it was not. Let me tell you, trying to throw myself back into school and a full blown social life made me realize how uptight with anxiety I had become. It was not pretty. There was some seriously painful nights my first semester. On Halloween, I remember, I had a lot of chemistry homework and a midterm to study for. I had been feeling it coming on all day. My stomach was a little sore. I wasn't able to focus on much. I turned to my phone screen a lot, making me seem like a shy, withdrawn introvert (which I am not). By the end of the night, I called a good friend who I felt like I could trust. She brought me soothing herbal tea and some melatonin. By the time she got there, I was holding on by a thread. I felt like my insides were collapsing and my heart would burst at any moment. (It's really difficult to try and put anxiety into words. I'll try to learn how. I want to share this experience, I really do.) I was STILL trying to do all the homework sprawled out on my floor, but by this time the tears were freeeeeee flowing. She walked in and took careful control of the situation. Her arms wrapped around me. I think I was shaking a little. She helped me put my homework down and get into bed. She made me tea and gave me some melatonin. I felt PATHETIC. Truly, so low. I told her to go and continue enjoying her halloween, which I had swiftly ruined with my meltdown. She comforted me for a little while and left. I remember praying until I fell asleep.
If you've ever had experiences like this, just remember, they always end. Often times it takes sleeping and eating for mine to end. I've learned to use Yoga to really help with my anxiety. I'm not really talking about channeling and meditation either. I am really bad at meditation. Usually, during the last ten minutes of my yoga class, when I am supposed to be meditating, I just (secretly) open my eyes and stare at the clouds. If I have something important that deserves some sort of serious thought, I'll think about it. However, I purposefully do not think about anything that will make me upset or stressed. Usually, by the end of yoga, I'm so warm, stretched and centered, that I can think about anything with clarity and peace. And then...I just let my mind wander. I've come to believe that yoga helps me in the sense that when I know I am having an emotionally rough day and going to a hot, sweaty and smelly gym will probably just make me feel self conscious, I make yoga a priority. I've never once regretted that because it's allowed me to find more balance in other parts of my life. And that, my friends, is why yoga saved me this semester. I'm stepping off the soap box!
I am now taking offers for someone to re-design my blog and make it cooler than I can. I can pay you in homemade meals!
Finally, Happy Easter loved ones. If there is one element to this entire post that I mistakenly left out, it's the element of spirituality. Yoga is essentially spiritual in nature and, (as many of you know) I am religious and believe in a Savior who lived and died for us. I also believe that He lives again and LOVES us. He loves us so perfectly and He knows me and He has helped me in every possible way. He serves and loves you too. I whole-heartedly believe that.


*Want to talk more about anxiety? I'm here. Feel free to reach out.